For I Am The Chosen One

Chosen_One

This morning I woke up with the clarity, I imagine, can only be achieved after years of deep meditative practice. Call it enlightenment. Call it an epiphany. Or a higher level of consciousness. Whatever term might be applicable, I woke up this morning with an important piece of convincing knowledge.

I. Am. The. Best.

I have to be the best and my reasoning is simple. I’ve come to understand that there are many things, for reasons not yet understood, that nobody else can do. Apparently, I am the only person who can do these things, and therefore, by logic alone, I have deduced that I am magnificent. Extraordinary. Fabulous. In light of the fact that I am able to accomplish tasks, which are apparently impossible for those around me, I have concluded that I am just really damn good.

So, what is it you ask that sets me apart? I’m glad you asked! Here’s my list of things that only I seem to be able to complete in my house:

  • Put socks in a hamper
  • Pick up clothing from floor
  • Put shoes on the shoe rack
  • In addition to previous entry, take off shoes and keep matching sets together in the same vicinity of the house.
  • Remember not to drape pants over dining room chairs
  • Hang up coat
  • Fill ice cube tray
  • To elaborate on previous entry, take empty ice cube tray out of freezer
  • Realize it’s pointless to leave only 5 ml. of juice/ milk/ beverage in its container in the refrigerator
  • Turn shirts right side out
  • Lift magazines the 10″ it would take to put them in their rack rather than on the floor below the rack
  • Put a couch cushion back on the couch in its correct orientation
  • Make a bed
  • Fold towels
  • Fold clothes
  • in addition to previous two entries, put said items away
  • Realize when the toilet is on the verge of having someone call CPS should they see it, and as a result clean it
  • Open and close curtains/ blinds/ windows at appropriate times of day

I don’t want to brag, but for brevity’s sake, I shall limit the list as it currently stands. I never used to think of myself as anything special. But I now see my unique abilities in a new light, for I am the chosen one.

Trip Packing… Whew, I’ll be glad when this is over!

We’re leaving tomorrow for San Francisco.  You won’t hear from me at all over the course of the next week.  This is a much-needed family vacation and we’re all excited!  I won’t be checking email, look at Facebook, or writing blogs.  I’ll be enjoying life!  I think I’ll be so bold as to give myself a big ol’ Woo Hoo!

I’m busy packing right now, trying to travel light you know… makes life a bit simpler if you have less stuff to worry about, and those pesky extra fees at the airport can sure add up!  But it’s hard to pack for four entirely different persons:  a man, a woman, a 5-year-old boy, and an almost 19-month-old girl.

My son’s version of necessities is entirely different from mine.  While I’m busy counting out the number of diapers I’ll need (yes I know I could buy them there, but as the diapers in my luggage disappear, there will room for fun stuff on the way back!!!), my son is slipping in all sorts of “needed” items.  Of the things I’ve had to quietly slip out of the bag are a monster truck, a map of the Netherlands, a field guide to the birds of New York State, binoculars, and a retired non-service flip phone.

I told my son he could choose one small toy to bring on the plane with him.  I asked him what he wanted.  The answer:  my handcuffs.  Yup, I bet those would make a good impression going through security 🙂

We’re going to have a great time!  See you all (virtually) when I return!